STREET SCENE
The inquest found that the motorcyclist was not to blame.
The rainspots on the visor seemed not right, what with all the blood. The bike had veered to avoid the usual child-running-into-the-road. But at the wrong, wrong moment the driver of a van, double-parked, had swung a rear door open. It struck the bike, not hard, but hard enough. The bike veered again, mounted the kerb, beyond control now. The biker wrestled it but I could see it was hopeless. The front wheel hit the shop front, under the window. The biker came over the handlebar and through the window. Head first. The window came down in a cascade of glass. The assistant - I remember his white trilby - had just wrapped my square sausage and pork chops. He managed "Jeez!" and raised an arm. He was lucky. I was lucky. The woman next to me . . dear God, you don't last long with a slice of glass in your neck. Blood pumped out in great spurts. Even if there's anything you could do there's no time. I stood, pissing my knickers while she gurgled "Somebody help me" before she fell. The biker ended up on the display slabs just inside the window, in a heap of leathers and boots and smashed trays with beef cuts and link sausages and lambs' liver. I can't remember much about what happened next but when I got outside there were folk milling round and gawping, and pretty soon sirens, and beat cops keeping folk back. The bike lay on the pavement. The biker had crawled out of the shattered window and seemed okay and was sitting on the pavement against the shop's front wall where the bike had hit, every limb shaking. I crouched down close by. Bits of mince or something stuck to the leathers. I brushed them off, thinking "How pathetic is that?"
"Take your helmet off. Get more air." The black, rain spattered plexiglass wasn't even cracked. You wonder - you can't see in, how do they see out? I said, "I saw it all. I was in the shop. I'll witness." What's the point of saying "You weren't going fast. Didn't look like your fault." An ambulance was drawing up. Paramedics came over. I said, "I think we're O.K. In the shop." They crunched over broken glass. Blood was trickling across the shop step. The biker had taken the helmet off. A girl! Close cropped fair hair. My age for a guess. So shocked even her jaw was shaking. I don't know what you do for shock. I put an arm round her.
And d'you know what she kept saying, over and over? I mean, this would be insanely funny except that there was a woman lying bleeding to death in a wrecked butcher shop. She kept saying "But I'm vegetarian. I've always been a vegetarian."
The paramedics came out of the shop. What was on the stretcher was completely covered and they were not hurrying.

Chillsss!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for telling me this- you don't last long with a slice of glass in your neck!
But I'm vegetarian. I've always been a vegetarian.
What was on the stretcher was completely covered and they were not hurrying.
mega chills!!
Awesome fiction on the prompt Lucy! Enjoyed this like some thrilling (that it is) spine chilling racy movie.. your words drew the images pretty vivid!
Hugs xox
Gripping tale from a seemingly innocent photo. Full marks for the writing, too.
ReplyDeleteBlood, sausages, lambs liver. Then the vegetarian twist at the end. Wow.
ReplyDeleteIrony, you gotta love those twists.
ReplyDeleteGahd, this is wonderful. Hope it's not true. Riveting.
ReplyDeleteOMG ... riveting is a good word for your Magpie!
ReplyDeleteGripping response to the prompt. Well done. ouf!
ReplyDeleteLucy . . check with a legal eagle, but I think you should refer to a "fatal accident enquiry" rather than an "inquest"
ReplyDeleteThat said, this is molto powerful stuff. Unless I've miscounted, you have only two adverbs and one of those qualifies an adjective, not a verb. There's a lesson for all wannabees there. (Adverb+verb = Sorry, reader! I can't be bothered thinking of the right verb)
It bears saying again and again . . the so-called "descriptive" parts of speech do not make your writing more descriptive. They merely clutter it up with spare words.
Do you have a sadistic streak at all?
ReplyDeletemasterly work, as said above: gripping,hard hitting, restrained
ReplyDeletevery well done!
I couldnt stop reading this, its gruesome, compelling, and that mix of humour...I felt bad smiling! So you dont last long with a piece of glass in your neck...must remember that!
ReplyDeleteReally gripping and if flows. I love Dr. FTSE's comment... I went back and checked and maybe I can apply it to my creative writing. I wrote one somewhat lengthy piece once and I it was probably chuck full of adverbs! Powerful.
ReplyDeleteSent shivers down my spine. Why did he take his damn helmet off?
ReplyDeleteAnna :o]
Thanks Doc. I will check that point. "Inquest" establishes only "Cause of death"??
ReplyDeleteYour "adverb" comment drove me back to read your blog of more serious poems. Cripes! . . you don't use them AT ALL, do you?
Friko . . do you mean me sadistic or Doc FTSE for haranguing us?
Chilling.
ReplyDeleteChilling, chilling - excellent writing. I'm breathing again, now.
ReplyDeleteSuper tale, really well told.
ReplyDeletebloody, well told.
ReplyDeleteLoved it. I guessed the rider was a woman (you always have a surprise) but the vegetarian line got me.
ReplyDeletePeople in shock do the darndest things! A woman I know was sitting in her front room wrapping Gideon Bibles to post when a car veered off the road and banged into her front wall, causing my friend to go into shock and the young female driver to mash her face. There was a lot of blood, in the end not serious. But what did my friend do? She gave the driver a bible!
I'm not going to go back and look for the grammatical errors because I was enthralled!
ReplyDeleteAs for Stafford's friend - when you're doing the Lord's work, nothing stands in your way - not even when someone bashes into your front wall!!
Thanks to everyone for the kind comments. The incident happened in your local High Street butcher's shop as you read the story as it did in mine as I wrote it - that's why there is not a word of description of the street or shop - but otherwise it is a fiction.
ReplyDeleteExcellent work, as usual. You should consider submitting a story to my Microstory A Week site - you have intense/no-doubt-about-it talent goin' on.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.microstoryaweek.blogspot.com/