The Descriptive Parts of Speech -

Response to the prompt from Rosemary at Poets&Storytellers United

This poem, by Wilfred Owen, is out of copyright so I can quote it in full: -

Owen was an infantry officer in the First World War.  His subject, in his own words, was 'war, and the pity of war.'  He was killed on the  Western Front a few days before the 11/11/1918 Armistice.  He was highly regarded by the men under his command.

The poem is 'about' a single one of the tens of thousands of battlefield corpses.

Futility 

Move him into the Sun— 

Gently its touch awoke him once, 

At home, whispering of fields half-sown. 

Always it woke him, even in France, 

Until this morning and this snow. 

If anything might rouse him now 

The kind old sun will know. 

Think how it wakes the seeds— 

Woke once the clays of a cold star.

Are limbs, so dear-achieved, are sides 

Full-nerved, still warm, too hard to stir? 

Was it for this the clay grew tall? 

—O what made fatuous sunbeams toil 

To break earth's sleep at all?

I have hilited Owen's (twelve) adjectives and adverbs.   

Is Owen's use of the 'Descriptive Parts of Speech' . . excessive/sparing/just right?

Does the poem 'describe the scene'?  Or 'evoke the scene in your imagination'?  Are any of his 'D.P.O.S' clichés?

Fans of the 'Descriptive Parts Of Speech' can perhaps suggest how a few more/a lot more would improve the mood/sentiments/pity in the poem?

Why no comma between 'kind' and 'old' in line 7?

Is the metaphor in lines 2 and 3 made wonky by 'whispering'? Suggest an improvement.  (Is this question relevant, Lucy?)

What about the half-rhymes?  Skilful?  Forced? Didn't really notice?

What do you make of the 'fatuous' sunbeams in the next last line?  What job does 'fatuous' do in the context?  Can you suggest a better D.P.O.S? 

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Stephen King (great writer if you like his sort of thing) said 'The road to Hell is paved with adverbs.'

My first writing coach said 'Be sure your adverb is not a crutch for a limping verb'

Ezra Pound said 'If you can't write with just the substantives (he meant nouns, verbs, pronouns, prepositions and the logical connectives) you can't write! (OUCH!)

A somewhat different approach to the prompt on Poets & Storytellers #102 suggested by Rosemary.