Luke Prater, hosting OSP this week, seeks poems in Octain form.
High Octane Highs
Once you poured Tigers in your tanks.
(A sixties ad. you may recall)
You floored the pedal! What a ball!
A bigger thrill than blinds-down w**ks,
that exhaust boom, that throaty vrooom,
those handbrake turns and wheel-spin pranks
hit three wee girls and killed them all -
Great stuff, those Tigers in your tanks.
Splat! Nasty, but nice...
ReplyDeletewow. I just love this one. Please, remove the asterisks! This has real grit and it's clever with the rhyme and phrasing also. Not to mention having something of real worth to say. Favourite line is
ReplyDeleteA bigger thrill than blinds-down w**ks,
but all good. I'm usually not keen of !!s but they work wonders here; utterly appropriate (usually they are not). On the formatting - I have two Octain stanza-breaking formats, and this is very nearly one of them. It just requires the first line to be out on its own as well as the final line, and the middle six to be split into two tercets, ie -
Once you poured Tigers in your tanks.
(A sixties ad. you may recall)
You floored the pedal! What a ball!
A bigger thrill than blinds-down w**ks,
that exhaust boom, that throaty vrooom,
those handbrake turns and wheel-spin pranks
hit three wee girls and killed them all -
Great stuff, those Tigers in your tanks.
The usual formatting is like this -
Once you poured Tigers in your tanks.
(A sixties ad. you may recall)
You floored the pedal! What a ball!
A bigger thrill than blinds-down w**ks,
that exhaust boom, that throaty vrooom,
those handbrake turns and wheel-spin pranks
hit three wee girls and killed them all -
Great stuff, those Tigers in your tanks.
Either one is fine for an Octain (though of course I am here merely to comment/critique/suggest, it's up to you how present your piece, but in terms of it being a genuine Octain it requires one of the two formats).
Gutsy. Fine work.
superb write.
ReplyDeletesmiles.
Welcome join poetry potluck week 37 today,
Share your poetry, enjoy the spotlight.
Bless your MondaY!
As always, your poetry is sunshine to us!
XOXOX